End of Oct/Dhul-hijjah

Dear Mom,

I miss you. We are just passing the time of Hajj, where Muslims who are able to do so, make their pilgrimage to the Holy city of Makkah, as it is prescribed as one of the five pillars in Islam. Those who do go we ask to make prayers for us, as their is a greater chance to God accepting and granting their prayers and what they ask for. I asked those I know who went to prayer for two things for me, it is for you and I to have a relationship again, and also for a righteous spouse. These are the two things I want in this world more than anything, and my prayers I pray everyday for as long as I can remember.

I have been feeling so alone lately mama. I can't help but feel sad and miss you so much. I am like a stranger in this world, and though I am completely okay with that, and in Islam it is a good thing. As our Prophet (peace be upon him) said we should be like strangers in this world, and live like travelers, as this life is temporary and we aren't suppose to fit in with this corrupt society we are surrounded by. So I am grateful for this and fine with. But it just can be an alone feeling sometimes. To not have a family around me who wants anything to do with me, and to want one so bad. I wish for a family of my own, and for you to return into my life. I know you think those two cannot coincide together, but I pray that somehow God works it out for me. Even if it is only in Heaven, that will be perfect for me, because it will be everlasting and eternal. Not like the short timing of this world.

I am so grateful for Grandma. I am so blessed to have her support me and love me, and be there for me. Though we do have our differences and their are things she doesn't like nor understand. It is a test for the both of us to be patient and considerate of one another. I try my best not to upset her, as she has done so much for me. Though she easily gets impatient and can be quick to make assumptions, I think I am forcing her to expand and open her mind more than she has ever had to before. I also hope that I am able to rub off on her more positively than I realize and their are greater advantages than we know of to us being together. And I am certain of the wisdom of God in why we are together now. Though I miss you dearly and wish I could be by your side, if only it was for a few moments. I miss everything about you and wish I could somehow make you see that...