I spent the day with BB. It was nice. She loves to reminisce and tell me old stories, and look at old photos. We looked at some photos from a birthday party of mine, maybe 6 years old. Pictures of you with my dad and abuelita. I got really emotional from them as you can see the special bond between us and the love you have for me in your eyes. It makes me feel so loved by you even though it was so long ago. The expression on your face as I'm blowing out my candles. You were such an amazing mother. It got me thinking of all the things you've done for me throughout my life. All the incrediable selfless sacrifices you made. God, when I think of all the things... and all the torture I put you through. I've told you this many times before, in many attempts. I wish I could make you understand how much all that means to me, even though its many years after. It still means the world to me. It shows me what an amazing human being you are and makes me see you in such a wonderful light. I wish I never took advantage of you. I wish I never demand more from you, despite that you were giving me your all. I wish I never talked back to you, or hurt you, or disrespected you, or ever so much as rolled my eyes to you. I wish I could show you my gratitude and somehow repay you. I don't have the money to help you out, or repay you or buy you things. But I wish you would allow me to show you how much I respect you now, how wonderful I think you are, and show you what you mean to me. I cringe of how I never could see all you did for me. What I wouldn't give to go back and thank you for the sacrifices you made. You always made sure I was comfortable. You would go to extreme lengths to find me the best baby-sitter, summer camps, school districts, housing, furniture, everything I wanted. And it wasn't about the money, but you spent the time researching and truly making sure it was a good fit for me and I was satisified with it. That is so incrediable, I havent heard of such parents becoming so envolved and concerned for their childrens well-being and comfort in ways you did.
It reminds me of a relationship with God. Though we fail Him over and over again, disobeying, forgetting to give Him his rights, not putting Him first, sinning over and over. He never ceases to stop forgiving so long as we ask of Him. He never stops listening to our prays, concerns or calls. His mercy is endless for us, despite or repeative sins. Though a mother's mercy is supposed to be the next merciful thing next to our Lord, yet it is still no where near. Apparently mine has a limit, and I have maxed it out.
