Sunday, June 16, 2013
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Mama,
This is an assignment I just did. I wanted to share it with you. It is apart of my communications lesson or ethics and behaviors. I thought it couldn't be more perfect. SubhanAllah that it was specifically about dress and attire....
In the professional world, people often "dress for success." They wear expensive suits and ties to give the impression that they are confident and powerful. High school and college students often dress to give the impression that they are "hip" or fashionable. When is it unethical to dress in a manner that masks the real you? Explain by using an example from your own experiences.
I think it is ethical to dress according to your situation and surroundings, so long as you are not compromising your core beliefs and morals. I do not think that you can mask who you are if these are truly the environments you wish to be in. Such as in the professional world, if that is where you are striving to be, and you want to look the part, then that is who you are choosing to be. If that is your definition of success, then you should strive for that.
The only time I think dressing differently becomes unethical is when you compromise your beliefs and morals. Such as a teenager in school may think she needs to dress more inappropriately to fit in, or perhaps get more attention. I think younger women are most affected by this in our current society because of all the pressure to have popularity and attention from the opposite sex.
This is why I myself have chosen to dress the way I do today. I have converted to my faith, so I have personally adopted a modest way of dressing I was not raised with. I never masked my real self, as I believed this is the person I wanted to be; modest, pious, and recognized as a believer of my faith. Most importantly, the way I dress is in accordance to what I believe is a commandment of my Creator. My mother would argue that this is not who I really am because she never saw me as this type of person. But as I have become an adult, I have learned this is who and what I want to be. I want to live my life according to what I believe is right and this is what I believe to be the correct way of life.
<3
This is an assignment I just did. I wanted to share it with you. It is apart of my communications lesson or ethics and behaviors. I thought it couldn't be more perfect. SubhanAllah that it was specifically about dress and attire....
In the professional world, people often "dress for success." They wear expensive suits and ties to give the impression that they are confident and powerful. High school and college students often dress to give the impression that they are "hip" or fashionable. When is it unethical to dress in a manner that masks the real you? Explain by using an example from your own experiences.
I think it is ethical to dress according to your situation and surroundings, so long as you are not compromising your core beliefs and morals. I do not think that you can mask who you are if these are truly the environments you wish to be in. Such as in the professional world, if that is where you are striving to be, and you want to look the part, then that is who you are choosing to be. If that is your definition of success, then you should strive for that.
The only time I think dressing differently becomes unethical is when you compromise your beliefs and morals. Such as a teenager in school may think she needs to dress more inappropriately to fit in, or perhaps get more attention. I think younger women are most affected by this in our current society because of all the pressure to have popularity and attention from the opposite sex.
This is why I myself have chosen to dress the way I do today. I have converted to my faith, so I have personally adopted a modest way of dressing I was not raised with. I never masked my real self, as I believed this is the person I wanted to be; modest, pious, and recognized as a believer of my faith. Most importantly, the way I dress is in accordance to what I believe is a commandment of my Creator. My mother would argue that this is not who I really am because she never saw me as this type of person. But as I have become an adult, I have learned this is who and what I want to be. I want to live my life according to what I believe is right and this is what I believe to be the correct way of life.
<3
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Hi mama,
So someone asked me to write my story on how I came to Islam. They wanted to publish it in a newsletter for a company to teach english abroad. Anyway, I wanted to share with you the story. I have explained the story (even in writing) many times before. But never officially wrote it formally. I tried to tell you this story recently but I'm not sure if you ever really understood how or why I converted to Islam....
So someone asked me to write my story on how I came to Islam. They wanted to publish it in a newsletter for a company to teach english abroad. Anyway, I wanted to share with you the story. I have explained the story (even in writing) many times before. But never officially wrote it formally. I tried to tell you this story recently but I'm not sure if you ever really understood how or why I converted to Islam....
I grew up in a Christian family, non-denominational. I considered myself to be what I thought was religious then. I followed what I thought was right and the commandments I was taught. I had always strong core beliefs in God and sought to establish a strong relationship with him. When I was a teenager, I decided I wanted to become baptized. As in the Christian faith, this is an individual choice. It was what I wanted because I was taught it was the next step on the path to walking with God. But, there were always things I questioned within Christianity. I attended church every Sunday, along with occasional additional courses here and there. The biggest inner conflict to me, and to many others alike, is the teaching in Christianity and the Bible teach there is only one God, yet trying to make and explain how three are all in one. The basis and fundamental part of Christianity I felt was faulty. Yet I continued to call myself a Christian and believed because it was what I am told is correct and the only way into Heaven, and that is where I want to ultimately be.
Still, I struggled, the Bible said that God says there is no God other than him. And to not worship anyone else, yet we call Jesus our Lord. But they call it a trinity, 3 as 1. It conflicts to me, but maybe I just don't fully understand it's magnitude, perhaps it's beyond me. This is what everyone around me believes, so it must be true, I kept telling myself. I never found any other answer to why these things weren’t clear. I had known and been around many good people who were Christians. They were nice and clean people, who appeared on the outside to lead good lives. The religion didn’t require too out of me or sacrifice so it worked. And I had yet to find a clearer message.
From a young age I had always wanted to marry and have my own family. Being raised as an only child be a single mother, coming from a family of singles mothers and divorces, I wanted nothing more but a big strong family. Inspired by a marriage course I took at my church, I believed that in order for God to give me a righteous husband and family I had to do my best to do things his way and be the best Christian I could be, in order to find the same qualities in a partner. I was determined to never date until I found someone worth marrying. While I was in high school I had met some friends who were middle eastern from varies countries. I found most Middle Eastern's call themselves Muslims. But I didn't know much about the religion, as everyone I knew who was a muslim, didn't practice nor talk about it. I found that the guys who called themselves Muslims, often had qualities I was looking for; mainly they wouldn't drink, respected their mothers, had strong family ties.
Finally, when I was 21, I met a boy, and thought this was the one I would marry. He had the looks and all the qualities I thought I wanted. Though I never saw him practice or ever talk about Islam. The only thing he ever told me was that he wanted his children to be raised Muslim (this is law in Islam, all children follow the religion of the father) I objected of course. I didn't understand why someone who didn't practice their religion, it could be so important to. And because I considered myself practicing my religion thought I had the upper hand and right to raise children under my beliefs (as in hispanic culture the child is raised what the mother is).
So we went our separate ways. I was devastated and heart broken. So just as I always had done whenever I felt lost, I went to the bookstore in search of knowledge. With the intention of finding a good self-help read, I ended up leaving with two books, The Quran in English translation, and Islam for Dummies. I wanted to know what Islam really was and what it meant to bring up children in. I began reading and researching online. The more I learned the more I loved, it was everything Christianity taught and also what it was missing. So pure and crystal clear. I found this to be the truth, and something I could never deny. I became so afraid to call myself a Muslim. I laugh at this now, but I remember thinking how scary it was to be associated with this religion. I was so afraid of what my friends and family would think.
During this time, it was the beginning of Ramadan, the holy month of fasting. I decided I would try to fast the month, just to see if I could and what it was like. Meanwhile, I began learning how to pray though youtube videos. Towards the end of the month, on the 27th night of Ramadan, I asked my friend to take me to a mosque. On this hot summer night, in a small, over-crowded room of the women's section; I said my Shahada, the statement declaring there is Only one God, and Muhammed is His last and final messenger, thus making me a Muslim.
When I first converted, I said I would never cover my hair and wear a hijab. I was always concerned with my appearance, makeup, hair and fashion. I could never see myself "toning" it down. I said I would perhaps wear it in old age, or possibly never. Because there are some muslim women who choose not to wear it, this was my understanding at the time.
Then after almost a year of being Muslim, I went to a weekend Islamic convention. There were so many beautiful, fashionable Muslim women who were covered in style. I saw them so beautiful and I was in complete awe. From this day, it began tugging at my heart. I would wear hijab on Fridays for Friday prayer, and kept it on the whole day. Little by little I wore the scarf more and more. Soon it became that I was wearing it everywhere but at my work. I felt something strong inside me, it was as though when I wasn't wearing it something was seriously missing. I went on a vacation, and upon returning to work I decided to return wearing hijab. During this time, I worked in cosmetics retail and makeup artistry, so I wore my hijab very stylishly, to reflect my surroundings. It became apart of my wardrobe and I began coordinating it with my outfits and makeup. I was very pleased with the responses I was getting as well. In my work I got very positive attention and feedback.
My family saw me learning and observing aspects the religion, and it was very difficult to explain things and justify things to them. My family would just say how ridiculous it was, not taking it nor me seriously. Some family members refusing to speak with me. I was not allowed to family functions and gatherings, they said if I wanted to come around them I would have to take off my scarf. I explained to them that's just not a possibility. They are still struggling with it today, even though 4 years have gone by. I think there will always be a need to fight for what we believe in.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Dear Mama,
This past week has been pretty crazy. As I was discussing it with one of my friends just now it totally all hit me, how symbolic it all is. So I went from running around like crazy, completely mentally and emotionally prepared to leave for Kuwait. Then found out, abruptly that I will not be leaving, at least not any time soon. Immediately a cold sore formed on my mouth. I was very much looking forward to the extra money I was going to be having. So then I started looking into going back to school. Deep down I feel a little bit panicky because I feel like I cant be living with grandma too much longer. I know I need to move on, but I have no idea how I can do so. So then thursday morning I woke up to not be able to move! My lower back had completely given out and I could not even sit up or get out of bed. Gradually it got better, after a couple days of precaution, chiropractor, and pain meds. Still it is tight and sore but thank God it is nothing like it was initially. So then today as I was leaving for work, I happened to look at my tire and saw that the metal wires were showing, and the left front tire looked super low. I panicked and had a terrible feeling. So I took it in, and had to replace my two front tires. Then discussing it with my friend right now, I realized I simply cannot move forward! In all aspects of my life. I want to and feel I am trying but one thing after another seems to be stunting me. My body, my transpiration, my education, my finances, a new job. I cant help but be baffled. I really want to change and better myself, and am trying to find ways to do so. God knows best.
This past week has been pretty crazy. As I was discussing it with one of my friends just now it totally all hit me, how symbolic it all is. So I went from running around like crazy, completely mentally and emotionally prepared to leave for Kuwait. Then found out, abruptly that I will not be leaving, at least not any time soon. Immediately a cold sore formed on my mouth. I was very much looking forward to the extra money I was going to be having. So then I started looking into going back to school. Deep down I feel a little bit panicky because I feel like I cant be living with grandma too much longer. I know I need to move on, but I have no idea how I can do so. So then thursday morning I woke up to not be able to move! My lower back had completely given out and I could not even sit up or get out of bed. Gradually it got better, after a couple days of precaution, chiropractor, and pain meds. Still it is tight and sore but thank God it is nothing like it was initially. So then today as I was leaving for work, I happened to look at my tire and saw that the metal wires were showing, and the left front tire looked super low. I panicked and had a terrible feeling. So I took it in, and had to replace my two front tires. Then discussing it with my friend right now, I realized I simply cannot move forward! In all aspects of my life. I want to and feel I am trying but one thing after another seems to be stunting me. My body, my transpiration, my education, my finances, a new job. I cant help but be baffled. I really want to change and better myself, and am trying to find ways to do so. God knows best.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Dear Mom,
I haven't written in so long. Not because I don't want to, or don't think about it, it just seems to sometimes take so much out of me in doing so. I have also sent you a few smaller emails since my last entry here. I get very emotional, and often put my heart into my feelings, it will take so much out of me and leave me exhausted. Now that I express it down and into words, that doesn't seem like a valid reason. Anyway, in just about 2 weeks I will be moving to Kuwait. My dream come true for me. None of the family thinks so of course. It's hard to balance. It will be hard not having my loved ones. Especially with my friends, as I am so close with them. I hope our relationship can improve. I don't know what the future holds for us. I remember when I was in Syria, you were so worried about me you talked to me, and we chatted and webcamed. I don't know if it will be that way this time. I am excited and a little afraid of going to this new country. It will definitely be an adventure for me. And of course I am optimistic and praying it will be a good match for me and the family. I hope I can be of benefit to them and vice versa. I will try to log my experiences of my journey. Though I've always been shy as to who reads them, and I even get embarrassed with myself, whenever I go back and read something from long ago. I always think its foolish and silly and want to erase it.
I haven't written in so long. Not because I don't want to, or don't think about it, it just seems to sometimes take so much out of me in doing so. I have also sent you a few smaller emails since my last entry here. I get very emotional, and often put my heart into my feelings, it will take so much out of me and leave me exhausted. Now that I express it down and into words, that doesn't seem like a valid reason. Anyway, in just about 2 weeks I will be moving to Kuwait. My dream come true for me. None of the family thinks so of course. It's hard to balance. It will be hard not having my loved ones. Especially with my friends, as I am so close with them. I hope our relationship can improve. I don't know what the future holds for us. I remember when I was in Syria, you were so worried about me you talked to me, and we chatted and webcamed. I don't know if it will be that way this time. I am excited and a little afraid of going to this new country. It will definitely be an adventure for me. And of course I am optimistic and praying it will be a good match for me and the family. I hope I can be of benefit to them and vice versa. I will try to log my experiences of my journey. Though I've always been shy as to who reads them, and I even get embarrassed with myself, whenever I go back and read something from long ago. I always think its foolish and silly and want to erase it.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Dear Mom,
I spent the day with BB. It was nice. She loves to reminisce and tell me old stories, and look at old photos. We looked at some photos from a birthday party of mine, maybe 6 years old. Pictures of you with my dad and abuelita. I got really emotional from them as you can see the special bond between us and the love you have for me in your eyes. It makes me feel so loved by you even though it was so long ago. The expression on your face as I'm blowing out my candles. You were such an amazing mother. It got me thinking of all the things you've done for me throughout my life. All the incrediable selfless sacrifices you made. God, when I think of all the things... and all the torture I put you through. I've told you this many times before, in many attempts. I wish I could make you understand how much all that means to me, even though its many years after. It still means the world to me. It shows me what an amazing human being you are and makes me see you in such a wonderful light. I wish I never took advantage of you. I wish I never demand more from you, despite that you were giving me your all. I wish I never talked back to you, or hurt you, or disrespected you, or ever so much as rolled my eyes to you. I wish I could show you my gratitude and somehow repay you. I don't have the money to help you out, or repay you or buy you things. But I wish you would allow me to show you how much I respect you now, how wonderful I think you are, and show you what you mean to me. I cringe of how I never could see all you did for me. What I wouldn't give to go back and thank you for the sacrifices you made. You always made sure I was comfortable. You would go to extreme lengths to find me the best baby-sitter, summer camps, school districts, housing, furniture, everything I wanted. And it wasn't about the money, but you spent the time researching and truly making sure it was a good fit for me and I was satisified with it. That is so incrediable, I havent heard of such parents becoming so envolved and concerned for their childrens well-being and comfort in ways you did.
It reminds me of a relationship with God. Though we fail Him over and over again, disobeying, forgetting to give Him his rights, not putting Him first, sinning over and over. He never ceases to stop forgiving so long as we ask of Him. He never stops listening to our prays, concerns or calls. His mercy is endless for us, despite or repeative sins. Though a mother's mercy is supposed to be the next merciful thing next to our Lord, yet it is still no where near. Apparently mine has a limit, and I have maxed it out.
I spent the day with BB. It was nice. She loves to reminisce and tell me old stories, and look at old photos. We looked at some photos from a birthday party of mine, maybe 6 years old. Pictures of you with my dad and abuelita. I got really emotional from them as you can see the special bond between us and the love you have for me in your eyes. It makes me feel so loved by you even though it was so long ago. The expression on your face as I'm blowing out my candles. You were such an amazing mother. It got me thinking of all the things you've done for me throughout my life. All the incrediable selfless sacrifices you made. God, when I think of all the things... and all the torture I put you through. I've told you this many times before, in many attempts. I wish I could make you understand how much all that means to me, even though its many years after. It still means the world to me. It shows me what an amazing human being you are and makes me see you in such a wonderful light. I wish I never took advantage of you. I wish I never demand more from you, despite that you were giving me your all. I wish I never talked back to you, or hurt you, or disrespected you, or ever so much as rolled my eyes to you. I wish I could show you my gratitude and somehow repay you. I don't have the money to help you out, or repay you or buy you things. But I wish you would allow me to show you how much I respect you now, how wonderful I think you are, and show you what you mean to me. I cringe of how I never could see all you did for me. What I wouldn't give to go back and thank you for the sacrifices you made. You always made sure I was comfortable. You would go to extreme lengths to find me the best baby-sitter, summer camps, school districts, housing, furniture, everything I wanted. And it wasn't about the money, but you spent the time researching and truly making sure it was a good fit for me and I was satisified with it. That is so incrediable, I havent heard of such parents becoming so envolved and concerned for their childrens well-being and comfort in ways you did.
It reminds me of a relationship with God. Though we fail Him over and over again, disobeying, forgetting to give Him his rights, not putting Him first, sinning over and over. He never ceases to stop forgiving so long as we ask of Him. He never stops listening to our prays, concerns or calls. His mercy is endless for us, despite or repeative sins. Though a mother's mercy is supposed to be the next merciful thing next to our Lord, yet it is still no where near. Apparently mine has a limit, and I have maxed it out.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
End of Oct/Dhul-hijjah
Dear Mom,
I miss you. We are just passing the time of Hajj, where Muslims who are able to do so, make their pilgrimage to the Holy city of Makkah, as it is prescribed as one of the five pillars in Islam. Those who do go we ask to make prayers for us, as their is a greater chance to God accepting and granting their prayers and what they ask for. I asked those I know who went to prayer for two things for me, it is for you and I to have a relationship again, and also for a righteous spouse. These are the two things I want in this world more than anything, and my prayers I pray everyday for as long as I can remember.
I have been feeling so alone lately mama. I can't help but feel sad and miss you so much. I am like a stranger in this world, and though I am completely okay with that, and in Islam it is a good thing. As our Prophet (peace be upon him) said we should be like strangers in this world, and live like travelers, as this life is temporary and we aren't suppose to fit in with this corrupt society we are surrounded by. So I am grateful for this and fine with. But it just can be an alone feeling sometimes. To not have a family around me who wants anything to do with me, and to want one so bad. I wish for a family of my own, and for you to return into my life. I know you think those two cannot coincide together, but I pray that somehow God works it out for me. Even if it is only in Heaven, that will be perfect for me, because it will be everlasting and eternal. Not like the short timing of this world.
I am so grateful for Grandma. I am so blessed to have her support me and love me, and be there for me. Though we do have our differences and their are things she doesn't like nor understand. It is a test for the both of us to be patient and considerate of one another. I try my best not to upset her, as she has done so much for me. Though she easily gets impatient and can be quick to make assumptions, I think I am forcing her to expand and open her mind more than she has ever had to before. I also hope that I am able to rub off on her more positively than I realize and their are greater advantages than we know of to us being together. And I am certain of the wisdom of God in why we are together now. Though I miss you dearly and wish I could be by your side, if only it was for a few moments. I miss everything about you and wish I could somehow make you see that...
I miss you. We are just passing the time of Hajj, where Muslims who are able to do so, make their pilgrimage to the Holy city of Makkah, as it is prescribed as one of the five pillars in Islam. Those who do go we ask to make prayers for us, as their is a greater chance to God accepting and granting their prayers and what they ask for. I asked those I know who went to prayer for two things for me, it is for you and I to have a relationship again, and also for a righteous spouse. These are the two things I want in this world more than anything, and my prayers I pray everyday for as long as I can remember.
I have been feeling so alone lately mama. I can't help but feel sad and miss you so much. I am like a stranger in this world, and though I am completely okay with that, and in Islam it is a good thing. As our Prophet (peace be upon him) said we should be like strangers in this world, and live like travelers, as this life is temporary and we aren't suppose to fit in with this corrupt society we are surrounded by. So I am grateful for this and fine with. But it just can be an alone feeling sometimes. To not have a family around me who wants anything to do with me, and to want one so bad. I wish for a family of my own, and for you to return into my life. I know you think those two cannot coincide together, but I pray that somehow God works it out for me. Even if it is only in Heaven, that will be perfect for me, because it will be everlasting and eternal. Not like the short timing of this world.
I am so grateful for Grandma. I am so blessed to have her support me and love me, and be there for me. Though we do have our differences and their are things she doesn't like nor understand. It is a test for the both of us to be patient and considerate of one another. I try my best not to upset her, as she has done so much for me. Though she easily gets impatient and can be quick to make assumptions, I think I am forcing her to expand and open her mind more than she has ever had to before. I also hope that I am able to rub off on her more positively than I realize and their are greater advantages than we know of to us being together. And I am certain of the wisdom of God in why we are together now. Though I miss you dearly and wish I could be by your side, if only it was for a few moments. I miss everything about you and wish I could somehow make you see that...
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